I'm having a taste of nolstagia right now. I've decided to go through my posts I made on my LiveJournal account (username: allstardiva2005) to help me with a project. I haven't started yet, but just thinking about the past makes me want to write. In my sophomore and part of junior year of high school, I wanted to be a sports journalist. I watched the same amount of sports as I do now and I actually blog more now, but I also wrote in my LJ. I wrote about everything – relationships, beliefs, pain, dreams, school, work, etc. I look back and sometimes I can't believe that I, Christy Hammond, wrote that. It sounds like it came from someone else's mind and I find it hard to imagine that I actually came up with that phrase, sentence, or paragraph.

Lately, I've been wishing I could find a way to write down the things that I have been thinking. I usually "think" my best when I'm lying in bed trying to fall asleep and it's so frustrating because I rarely remember that stuff by the time I wake up. But I'm going to work really hard on writing more often because it's important for me to see how I change throughout the years and it's very theraputic for me. I currently have 5 blogs: this one, one that is acting as my exercise/food blog to help me lose weight, my hockey blog, my pre-med one, and one for teens dealing with chronic pain and illnesses.

I haven't told anyone yet, but I think I want to write a book for Young Adults Dealing with Chronic Pain and Illnesses from a Christian perspective. I know of some great Christian books on pain, but haven't really found one catered to college students and younger. I'm not doing it for money or for my resume, but because I think I have something to tell and I believe I can learn a lot from trying to do this. I'm spending a lot of my free time looking for relevant Bible verses, inspirational quotes, anecdotes, and of course researching common chronic pain conditions and chronic illnesses amoung young adults. I'm kind of afraid to tell my family because I feel like I'll either get (1) pressured to work on it more than what I want each day or (2) they'll laugh at my dream.

I just know that there are so many young girls (especially) on this knee forum that I visit daily that struggle with dealing with acute or chronic knee pain. It's hard for those who've never been through it to understand how a "simple" knee injury can impact your youth whether it's middle school, high school, college, or even work. Pain (and chronic illnesses) affect your social life, your school work, your sleep, your work, your mind, and your soul. I want to write something that will encourage kids going through what I've gone through or even worse and give them hope when they feel they are in their darkest moments.

I'm a romantic at heart and came across some of these quotes I had found when I was crazy about this guy back in my sophomore year. I've had many crushes, but this was so much more…

• We all want to fall in love. Why? Because that experience makes us feel completely alive. Where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we are flying into the heavens. It may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon. But that doesn't diminish it's value. Because we are left with memories that we treasure for the rest of our lives.
• Remember to always say what you mean. If you love someone, tell them. Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late. Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.
• You complete me. Really, you do. You can make me smile even when I'm in my worst mood. Its only in your arms that I forget all my troubles and I have complete happiness. And you're the only one who can fill that gap in my heart, the space that has come to know you…that place that knows your the only one for me, that gap that will accept no one but you.
• You know when I realized I loved him? It was when I realized that anything that ever happened, good or bad, I wanted to tell him about. He was the first person I wanted to know, and I couldn't wait to tell him, and talk to him, and listen to him and it's like I love learning new things every time I talk to him.
• Everyday that goes by, it seems like I discover something new about you to love. It's incredible to me how one person can make such a big difference in my life. You touch me in a way no one else ever has and give me so many reasons to smile. I've never been so happy….and I've never been so in love.
• In every girl's life, there is a guy she will never forget and the summer when it all began. [Summer 2003]
• What is love? Girls at school walk around with things like 'I Love Brian' written on there hand. People toss the word 'love' around like it's something simple. To me, love is a strong bond that two people have between each other, whether they know it or not. Love is when your sitting in your room, and you see your loved one outside, so you open your window, just to hear there voice. Love is when you walk past your loved one, and you want to scream "Hey" so bad, but you stay quiet to save yourself from embarrassment. I've always wondered what it would be like to love someone, and for them to love me back. But what if, you know you love someone, you can feel it in your heart, and your knees shake every time you see them, and your heart skips a beat every time you hear their name called. But you don't know if the other person loves you back, or even has feelings for you. A lot of people try to hide there feelings, so there heart won't get broken, or even to save themselves from embarrassment because there friends might make fun of them. Well what happens when two people love each other, and both are afraid to share their feelings with anyone, because they know that no one will understand. What happens then? Is it true love? Or is just a feeling that a lonely girl wishes she had?
• I am scared that I'm always going to be somebody's friend or sister or confidant, but never quite somebody's everything.
• The easy part of life is finding someone to love. The hard part is finding someone to love you back.
• The worst thing a guy can do is let a girl fall in love when he doesn't intend to catch her fall.
• In life, there are many things that we hope and dream for, love is but only one of them; though it seems that we spend all of our time looking for it, we probably keep walking right by it every time.
• When you love someone, it's nothing. When someone loves you, it's somthing. When you love someone and they love you back, it's everything.
• Wait for the guy who pursues you. The one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of guy who brings out the best in you & makes you want to be a better person. Wait for the guy who will be your best friend, the person who will drop everything to be w/ you at any time of the day, no matter what the circumstances. Wait for the guy who makes you smile like no other, & when he smiles you know he needs you. Wait for the guy who wants to show you off to the world. Most of all wait for the guy who will put you at the center of his universe, because obviously hes at the center of yours.
• Love is just a word until someone you meet gives it a proper meaning.
• When you like someone, you like them in spite of their faults. When you love someone, you love them with their faults.
• If we discovered that we had only five minutes left to say all that we wanted to say, every telephone booth would be occupied by people calling other people to stammer that they loved them.
• I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.  I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.  I love you for the part of me that you bring out.
• You know you're in love when you can say anything to the person and you know they won't laugh at you.
  When you can see their face when you close your eyes. When you can still feel their arms around you
  Holding you tight long after they are gone. When you can still taste their kiss after you have said goodbye.
  You can tell you're in love when you miss them before they are gone. When their voice lingers in your ears.
  When their presence eases any pain. When their name sends chills down your spine.
  When they are the only thing you can think about. You know you're in love when you can see all their hopes
  And dreams and there soul when you look into their eyes. When their tears stain not only your shirt,
  but alson your heart. When you are hurt just because of these tears. When even a simple chore done with them
  Can become a lasting memory. Ultimately, you know you're in love when you can't imagine living without them,
  And can't figure, how did you live before you knew them. When they fulfill every need and without them
  You are incomplete. The love of someone else completes the heart, and soul, and mind all at once.
• If you're alone, I'll be your shadow.  If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder.  If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow.  If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile.  But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me.
• You and I were meant to be. Period. The End. Cue happy ending music.
• Never let today's disappointments shadow tommorrow dreams.
• Sometimes you just feel everything and nothing all at once. Sometimes you'll find yourself smiling while missing something at the same time. At times, you can absolutely love a person, all the while wanting to hate them. Life comes without guarantees, except that smiling will brighten your face, laughing will enhance your eyes, and falling in love will change your life.
•  You are every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had, and no matter what happens to us in the future, every day we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours. And, my darling, you will always be mine. – Nicholas Sparks, 'The Notebook'
• You can't get all caught up in wishing for something that won't happen.. you just got to move on to the next best thing.
• Summer romances end for all kinds of reasons, but when all is said and done, they have one thing in common. They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone. [the notebook]

Well in two days, it'll be a month since my ACL Revision. I am very happy I did it especially at the start of the summer. My brace is so heavy and hot that I don't think I could stand having to wear it during July and August. It also hasn't been quite as painful as my first ACLR, which is great. I'm also not taking as much pain medication as I did before my surgery. I can't believe I actually feel better!

I can finally put 50% of my weight on my bad knee, which is nice. After doing the same exercises 3x a day for a month, the exercises get soo boring. I'm hoping that when I see Dr. Noyes in Cincinnati on Tuesday that he'll allow me to put even more weight on my knee and to finally be able to use a stationary bike! I won't be able to make a full rotation yet since my ROM is only up to 100 degrees, but it'll certainly help increase my ROM and give me something new today!

I get really excited thinking about what I'll be able to do in another month or two. I should have at least another month of physical therapy appointments, which are boring but quite necessary. Once I finish my therapy sessions, my mom is going to pay for a personal trainer at Lifetime (where I have a gym membership right by my house). A trainer there has had many knee surgeries herself plus tons of qualifications so I'm hoping she can help give me some exercises for my whole body that won't place a lot of stress on my knee since most exercises in fitness magazines aren't so hot for mr. knee. I really want to lose some weight because I'd love to get back to my pre-knee injury days. When I was active in high school, I weighed 15-20 pounds less than I do now (almost four years later). And while I'm certainly in the normal range, I want to be more fit. It's just hard when you can't do anything cardio (including swimming and biking) and you don't eat a ton either. So I think having a personal trainer will really help with me getting more fit at least and that's all you can ask.

Now that I can drive, I feel much more independent and not so trapped within my house. I'm hoping to make it to Ann Arbor and Bloomfield Hills/Farmington within the next week or two. All my friends live at least half an hour away (from high school and college) so it's been a tad lonely. This also means I can attend my HopeKeepers meeting next Monday! One of the group leaders (who has Lupus) called me last week to ask how I was doing and I want to find out how Sharon did on her knee surgery, which she had a day before mine.

In one of my RestMinistries daily devotionals that are emailed out to the group, it said this:

Chronic Pain Syndrome causes a wide range of emotions, because you are not in control of the pain, it shows up daily like clock work. When pain shadows me and I cannot focus on the daily tasks of my day, I focused on HIM and The promises of His word.  It is so wonderful to focus on the One who knows me and can soothe my emotions and my pain.  He delivers His Scripture promises into my innermost being and they settle in me embracing my spirit. This has caused me to draw even closer to my LORD God because of my "mortal body state of affairs.

Sometimes when I'm really hurting, I do focus on God and it really helps, but other times I don't and I need to work on remembering to think of Him and pray instead of relying on my own ways.

Bible Verse of the Day: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 2:9 NIV)